A post today!

Haven't been blogging much lately. Have spent the time I have been able to sit by the computer for my Bladlund.com website upgrades. Since I apply for jobs in Sweden as well as outside the country, I need to have it in Swedish and in English. An upgrade was overdue either way.

The morphine is not working as well as it initially did. Not even close. But I have no side-effects anymore. Tried to call the doc about it today, but got the word that I can only call weekdays between 7:15 and 9am. So - I need to wait until Monday morning, and my morphine runs out Tuesday morning...

Starting to see the drug addict/author connection...

...in the last few days. I still don't understand why anyone would like to go through the process of getting into drugs voluntarily, since it's a nasty one. I don't really want to think about stopping taking these drugs, but that is only a week away and I'll know soon enough.

Since my last post, I've slept a lot, and gotten used to the morphine in my system. I haven't had any side-effects lately, except for some that aren't listed on the package. Almost every time I wake up from one of my numerous naps or longer sleeps, I have a story in my head. If I took the first minutes after I woke up and wrote things down, or at least the outline, I would have the basis for several novels or shorter stories by now. Or song narratives, if I was a song writer. These stories have nothing to do with my own life, they're just fictional works that have popped up in my head while my conscious has been out cold and my subconscious has been more active than usual. My brain is really active now while I'm resting my body. It's as if the brain has more time to be active while the morphine has taken the pain load off the body - and I'm certain that the morphine is making the brain think things it wouldn't without it too, or the stories in my head wouldn't be as vivid and far out as they have been. I haven't written them down, and I have no examples, but every time I do recall them--even just for a few minutes after I awaken--they are so real that I could swear on their validity. Then I realize where I am, and what's in my system.

I can really see how some of the greatest writers (of books and music) also have been been drug addicts. Perhaps other drugs can do the trick, in other ways for other people. Since this is the first drug I've really tested, I am no expert on the topic, but I can see how it fits together. And it still leaves me a firm believer in not doing drugs recreationally. If one can't deal with real life without drugs, why run from the problems even temporarily when everything is still there once the drugs have worn off? Plus - drug addiction rarely affects only the person taking them, and I have no intention to ruin anybody's life but my own (if it ever came to that).

Kind of good to know though, that I have a mind full of stories that can surface under the influence. I've always loved to write, even if I have no storytelling skills whatsoever.

How can anyone be on morphine recreationally by choice?????

If I didn't know that morphine takes away pretty much all the back pain I've been struggling with for years in an instant, I woudn't believe it. And even though I know it's temporary, I am glad I got it. BUT! Considering the side-effects, I can NOT understand how ANYONE can take this drug voluntarily as a recreational drug. If someone likes taking this drug just for getting away from their reality, they must have serious problems. But I'll get to that pat in due time. I'll take my visit to the ER step by step. I think it's worth telling the story.

So - my mom picked me up to take me to the ER, which is located in Västerås, a bigger city about 35km from where I am now. SO wonderful to only have that far to the nearest ER, eh? At least we have an ambulance depot here in case someone is bleeding through their ass or is going into cardiac arrest or something.
Once there, I walked up to the ticket thingy, and got my number for waiting in line. Turns out, it was my turn right away. I explain my situation, that I just came home from Canada, have been waiting for weeks to get an appointment with a doctor in Sala, my hometown, and that my back has gotten to the point where I had no choice but to come to the ER for some help. The admitting nurse was flabbergasted with how I had been treated in Sala, that I hadn't gotten an appointment yet, and explained that she wasn't really allowed to admit me. The 'correct' way to admit me was to have my family doctor send me here, and let them know in advance that I was coming so they would have time to prepare. Whatever. As I got worried that they actually wouldn't let me in, I stated my case and that I really had to be admitted since I was in too much pain to function on any level as a human being!!! The nurse realized I was teling the truth, and finally admitted me, with the explanation that would describe in the admitting records why she let me in without following the proper procedure. Phewww! Relief. Step one passed - I was IN!

After paying the required $50 to get care, I took a seat in the waiting room, and had only waited for a minute or when an orderly called me in to a room, where I should wait for a doctor.

About an hour and a half later, a doctor actually showed up in my room. In spite of my naturally calm nature, I was about to lose it, but seeing the doctor brought me back to my normal calm. And as usual, I got a foreign doctor. In my many visits to the ER in my life (many reasons, but none important here), I have NEVER had a Swedish ER doctor. This time I got a Russian, Bulgarian, or someone from that region. I didn't ask, but the name and accent were both fairly revealing. He started to examine me, after a bunch of questions about my condition. Since I didn't have certain symptoms, I was told that didn't need the anal probe, but I could've had it done in case I wanted to. I politely declined. Maybe five minutes later, he had come to the conclusion that, yes, once again, I had disk hernia. Just like I suspected. The verdict was in. He also told me that some times (most of the time), a disk hernia can heal itself with just medication and rest. Not rest like I see rest, but complete rest, with staying in bed as much as I could handle. No long walks, no going to the store and come back out with a bunch of grocery bags hanging from my backpack for everything that didn't fit inside it. Nothing. Oh well. At least I knew for sure now. Prior to my visit to the doc, I thought that moving around a bit couldn't hurt, or that it could even help. Good to know what I can and can't do, or rather should and shouldn't do.

In the next three hours or so, a nurse came in with my first painkiller, that I needed to take to make sure that it wouldn't make me sick. Then the docotr came back with two prescriptions, and he carefully told me how to take them since they were powerful. Any error in how I took them, and I could be back in the ER in no time. Knowing that I would get a couple of versions of morphine made me peaceful, since I know that this is powerful shit. My dad used to take them for some of his pain issues, and it mostly worked for him. Next step was to have me pee in a cup, for other tests, and they also took some of my blood to see if there was something else wrong with me. One never knows what I might have picked up in my seven years in Canada!!!!

Once I could leave, I felt good, and the short-term morphine tablet that I got had no bad effects on me. The long-term kind was in store for late that night. The long-term kind, I was supposed to take two of, morning and night, until I knew that it took most--if not all--of my pain away, and then I could go down to one table twice a day. The short-term kind was for possible spikes of pain, and should only be taken when needed. While waiting before it was bedtime and I was about to take the tablet, I went through the information about the medication I had received. "Mostly for use with patients with severe cancer pains", said the description. Should be strong enough then, I thought. The side-effects mentioned dizziness, drowsiness, potential nausea and vomiting, and some others. I rarely get affected by the side-effects stated, so I figured - why for this one?

Only minutes after taking the two-tablet dose, I started sweating, and yes, there was nausea. The nausea quickly made me run to the bathroom, and this is pretty much how my first night ended up. If I stayed in bed, it wasn't too bad, but any attempt to stand up ended up with me in the bathroom. Terrific. I had no pain in my back though!!!

This was two and half days ago. Now, I can actually eat food and keep them, even though the nausea is lurking. I reckon my body has gotten used to the shock the morphine initially gave me. I don't move around too much though. I sleep 20 hours of the day, and don't get up much. I try to eat, but I probably don't eat enough. I know I might not be able to keep it if I eat or drink too much, so why try. Might get better in the next couple of days, since I am cutting back to one tablet per dose starting tonight. Will be interesting how this affects my job interview next week.

I think this is all I'll write for now. Feels like it's time to get horizontal for the night. But there you have it, folks! A short tale about what can go on at a Swedish ER. Fun, eh.

Mighty Morphine recipient

Yes, I got to see a doc in the ER today, and got some morphine to help with the pain. Might be some weird posts in the next few days, or no posts at all. Just so you know, people!!!!!

Where I stand

I have come to a point right now when I need to do something concrete. Waiting for doctor's appointments that never arrive is pointless. Instead, tomorrow Wednesday I will head to the nearest Emergency Room (30kms; not in this town) and sit there until I get admitted. If my symptoms aren't serious enough to do anything, I don't know what to do. Right now, I can't move without feeling shooting pains in my back, I've started to walk more on the front of my feet to not have to take the back pains from landing on the heel, I can't walk for more than 3-4 kms without having to lay down afterwards to be able to breathe right (back cramps up enough to affect my lungs getting enough air), and I have had sciatica in my left leg for almost a week straight.

Applying for jobs feels ridiculous, since no employer in their right mind would hire me in this condition. In spite of this, I HAVE applied to 26 jobs since in the last month that I've been back in Sweden, and I have started to call around to the places I've applied to in hope it'll help my résumé/cv move up in the pile. Unfortunately, my pathetic cell phone operator have--after a full month!--not been able to fix my wish to add a feature called Global3, which would enable me to call the countries (Canada, Ireland, and the UK) that I have applied for work in other than Sweden for a measly CAD$0.03/minute. Until they fix this, it'd cost me almost $1/minute to call, so any foreign job application follow-up is currently impossible. I just got off the phone with yet another customer service guy who promised I'd get a call later this week with a solution to the problem, and not until then could a discussion of proper compensation for them failing to activate a seemingly simple service be initiated.

Take my word for it - I won't let this incompetence slide without compensation that I consider to be appropriate. We'll see how much they value me as a continued customer, even though I'm not sure I want to continue with them. After all, everything regarding them has gone wrong from the start: it took almost a week to get my phone working, and then this Global3 feature fuck-up.
The only good thing is that I have good coverage around here, and even when we traveled up to see my cousin in Umeå. I'm also happy with the phone itself, which has some neat features that are useful (compass, step counter, MP3 player, FM radio, 2.0MP camera, waterproof, dustproof, and other normal phone stuff). I'm curious as to what they could offer me. I don't want a phone upgrade. We'll see.

My mind is still primarily Canadian...

...as my dog sitting days are in their last few hours for this time. I've noticed this in how I communicate with the dog. With (most) humans, there's a fair interaction where we take turns initiating a conversation. With dogs, there isn't much speech (as we know it) from them, and all human speech comes from us. When I have talked to the dog in the last few days, my language of instinct has been English at least 80% of the time. This shows fairly well that I still haven't converted into thinking in Swedish, and it also shows that my interactions in Swedish are more about translating my sentences rather than instinctually and spontaneously speak my mind. Interesting. Maybe I can dog sit more often, and see how far my mind and instincts have changed.

Dog sitting

I don't mind dog sitting, especially when I have no other plans. But man - it's not something I'd like to do on a permanent basis. This dog is spoiled beyond belief. Used to being walked every few hours (day AND night), is allowed to beg by the table, and GETS lot of food while begging. Insane. This dog has a bottomless stomach, and still manages to keep its figure. Could be because it's never still.

I'm never getting a dog. No need to get tied down by anything at this point. If I get a dog at ANY point in time, it's time to check the temperature in hell. I bet you can go ice skating down there when I get a dog.

I don't mind dogs. I just don't see any reason to ever get one.

Licence renewed!

Today, something finally went right!
I received my renewed driver's licence!

Will come back here to write more when something else positive happens. Unless I just can't keep the bad stuff bottled up anymore.

Swedish health "care" confusion

The health care system in Sweden is totally confusing. I just got back here, so I have no clue what is going on. Expected. But when I talk to my cousin and her husband who both work as nurse/EMT (?) have no clue either, I am stunned.

The situation is that I have come to the point where I REALLY need to see a doctor, as I am (my back is) getting worse by the day. I can't even turn myself in bed without waking myself up from the pain. I tip-toe around the house, because it hurts too much to walk normally as the heel hits the floor and pain shoots through my spine.

I have been waiting for a letter from the doctor's office, saying I have an appointment. Today, I called them again, and it turns out there is such a shortage in doctors that they still haven't found one that can schedule me in the foreseeable future. Yay.

My other option was to go to the emergency room, which we have none in this town. The nearest one is 30kms away, and if you show up unexpected, you better be really seriously hurt in a life or death situation, or you'll end up spending the next day or two waiting. Since I'm not dying from this yet, I would end up waiting forever. How do I know I would have to wiat? I called the number you're supposed to call if you get sick and don't need an ambulance, and talkd for a while with this person who is supposed to find the best solution for borderline emergency cases. I ended up getting the advice to try to find a private doctor, and see what they can do for me. *SIGH*

Tomorrow, I'll call around to the few private clinics here in town to see if any of them have any openings, and if they are part of the health care system that gives you free health care once a certain amount of medical bills is reached. My cousin is on standby to give me a ride, since I yet have to receive my renewed driver's licence. Then again, I'm not sure I should drive in this condition anyways.

Tomorrow will be interesting. I just wish I had some positive news to write here about my back. One day, I will!!!! I'm just not sure when that'll be...

Ups & Downs

As for the downs, my back continues to worsen. Part of it is that I've stopped taking the pain killers I have, since they are definitely not good for me. As soon as I stop taking them for more than half a day, I get crazy headaches that last and last. They last for days even if I start taking the damn pills again, so I have stopped altogether for now. At least my mind is clear for now, and I prefer that to feeling like my brain is trying to leave my skull. A bad back, I am quite used to and can handle. As far as I know, it's only pain, and as such, the doctor (once I get to see one) can figure out what to do with the problem.

On a positive note, I now have my card adapter so I can move files from my camcorder/camera to the cocmputer for editing and uploading to Facebook. I took some photos yesterday from my high school days, as I found my yearbooks from 1983-1990. Was a bit of a time machine, and it was all fun. I uploaded some photos to stayfriends.se (I assume there's a .com version too), where I tagged a bunch a people just like it's done in Facebook. If it can help some people--me or others--to find each other, it was all worth the time spent.

Will try to get some more photos taken in the next weeks, as spring has started to really make its mark here. The last week of primarily rainy days has turned the area green. Most trees now have leaves, and both lilacs and lily-of-the-valley are blossoming earlier than normal. With both being among my definite favourite flowers, it's time to head out and smell them. And, of course, photograph them.

One month in Sweden - the Pros and the Cons

So now it's been a full month since I touched down in Sweden. I had hoped that there would be some more progress in the health care area concerning my back by now, but that has not been the case - kind of as expected. I'm still waiting for the letter from the doctor's office with my appointment.

After this first month, I have had the time to see what is working here and what is not. Hopefully, the list will look positively different next month when it's time for the next list.

Pros of being in Sala, Sweden compared to being in the London area, Canada
- I have (somewhat free) health care.
- My living costs are negligable (since I only pay for water and electricity).
- I have some welfare money coming in each month.
- I don't have to live off of borrowed money.
- It's VERY cheap to call my friends in Canada on my cell phone (and all incoming calls and texts are free).
- I get to see lots of the relatives I haven't seen in ages.
- There are no bank fees from withdrawals or for having bank accounts.

Cons of being in Sala, Sweden compared to being in the London area, Canada.
- The health care system still hasn't shown that it's effective.
- I miss all my friends from the last 7 years BADLY.
- I don't like to live in circles. I go places, I don't go back to places (if I can help it).
- My cell phone operator's service SUCKS, and I still can't use the cheap phone calls to Canada after 2 weeks and several calls to the customer support.
- The food is bland, and the food that isn't, I don't know what it is.
- Tofu (and other soy products) is fairly expensive, hard to find, and the variety is non-existent.
- TV shows suck (the American shows I do like are at least one season behind, so I need to use torrents to watch the latest shows).
- I miss Taco Bell.
- My bank's nearest branch is over 30kms away.
- Fruit is VERY expensive.

This will have to be enough for now.

$$$

Ok, the title of today's post shouldn't be in dollars since that is not the currency in Sweden, but I don't know if there is a symbol for the Swedish krona. I doubt there is, so take the dollar signs for what they aren't. ;)

I finally know how much I will be getting to live off each month until I can find a job. I won't have to starve, and I can actually pick and choose some of the foods I want instead of living off the cheapest possible foods that aren't healthy for me. I even bought some vitamins and mineral supplements today! I was slightly surprised that the calcium pills had no mention of how much calcium that was actually in each tablet though, which is unusual. Judging by the size of the tablets, I know it's not a whole lot, but it would be nice to know for sure. This level of bad labelling would never be accepted in North America. But this is Europe. Whoopi-doo-dah.

Didn't get any pike today, coz I couldn't find the fish truck. I reckon I was at the town square at the wrong time or something. No biggie. One of these days...

Ripped a bunch of old CDs onto the computer I'm using, so I can revel in songs I used to listen to. Some, I will never listen to again, but some have remained close to my heart. Most of the ones that are still good to listen to are either rock or classical. Feels like pop doesn't stand the test of time as well as the ones mentioned.

Might head down to the town centre again tomorrow, to see if I can find a multimedia adapter for my SD cards so I can plug them in to the USB port. I miss being able to transfer photos I take with my camera to the computer, so it may just be time to invest in an adapter. One can only take pictures up to a certain quality with a cell phone...

Stay strong, and stay determined! About what, I don't care.

Welcome to Moronia

I think I have come back to a country of Morons.

There are no good Swedish shows on TV, no good Swedish movies, and the more my memory and new experiences of Swedish humour come to me, the more I feel like I'm surrounded by idiots. For relatives, it doesn't matter since they're family (and I don't judge them much since it's nice to see most of them this time around), but about others - it's terrifying! I've never liked British humour, but now I am realizing that Swedish humour is just as bad! Part of it here is that it seems to be politically correct to act stupid, and since getting totally drunk is a Swedish (Nordic?) heritage, almost no one acts smart intentionally.

Maybe mentioning the term 'politically correct' is wrong. It doesn't exist here. I know that the vikings burped and farted as a sign of respect to the host and hostess that they were full and content after a meal, but it appears to still be accepted to do those things without a sign of apologies. In almost a month here now, I haven't heard ANYONE excuse themselves for any bodily noise, and that's a bit hard to get used to. If I acted like that when I first came to Canada and the US, I apologize to you now. However, I don't think I did. I think I have always been more civilized than that.

Time to get to bed, or at least soon. I'm hoping for a letter from the doctor tomorrow, saying I am invited to an appointment some time soon.

A new (real) post any day now

Still recovering from the trip up north, so I'll post something about it all tomorrow, most likely. Amazing what a long drive can do to an old body like mine! Dinosaurs should fly.