Overdue

This is an overdue post, for sure. Been over a year since the last post. Why? Well, I've always been like this when it comes to keeping track of a budget, keeping a diary, and the like. I start out optimistic that I'll follow it religiously, only to get bored with it, since it isn't vital to my existence. Or for some reason like that.

So what's new since last post?

1) My MRI came back with no nerves squeezed or anything, even though that didn't really mean anything other than that an operation would not necessarily have helped my condition. No operation, but some serious physical therapy, a girdle, and water aerobics! Things went well, and by summer, I was even able to go for some jogging without too much pain afterwards (and then it wasn't my back, it was more other parts of my body--like knee joints and muscles--that hadn't been used much since my back 'immobilized' me). By midsummer, there was no more therapy of any kind, just me on my own, exercising for my own good and wellbeing, making sure my back would stay strong.

2) I got a job in Ireland as a multilingual customer support agent for the Xbox360 console. I almost got a job as a multilingual customer support agent for the Sony Vaio computer just weeks prior to that, but during my final interview, I did too well and didn't get the job because they thought I was overqualified and thought I'd get bored with the job rather quickly. Typical.

Well, I moved to Dublin, Ireland at the end of July, and started on the job training on August 16. Within days, me and my fellow trainees started getting colds, with coughs and fevers. But most of us still showed up for training, since we were told that if we missed the training days, we'd start off the real job with warnings, and more on probation than necessary. After about five weeks, I coughed so much that I had kept myself awake at night, and started coughing blood. Time to visit a doctor, who told me to stay home and get rest, plus I got some medication since he feared pneumonia. I got a chest x-ray to see if I did, and it turned out I had pneumonia in my left lung.

By this time, I had been home for weeks from work, but I thought this was ok since I assumed I would get sick pay from the welfare office (to which I sent weekly "sick notes"). At this point, I started feeling strange, and came down with anxiety attacks. The doc told me it was probably because of stress, and told me to continue to stay home. Eventually, even though my pneumonia got better, I never really got rid of my cold symptoms.

At that point, I wrote an e-mail to HR at work, telling them I wanted to meet and discuss the situation, and how this potentially was forcing me to resign. I never hear back from them, and after 2-3 weeks of no word (after trying to get in touch with both HR and my team manager), I decided to contact my initial contact at HR at work, a girl who had helped me when I first arrived in Dublin. She was helpful, and looked up what the situation was and why no one had gotten back to me. When she told me that they had automatically "let me go" when I had first sent in my e-mail concerning discussing potential resignation, and I hadn't worked there for weeks!!! She also mentioned that I probably wouldn't get any sick pay since I had only worked there for such a brief time!!! On top of that, I needed to pay back some of the previous month's salary that I had been paid by mistake, plus most of the relocation package money that they had helped us with to move to Dublin. Not a fun situation. Let's just say that I had more anxiety attacks than "normal" that day.

RIGHT NOW, I'm back in Sweden where I was before moving to Ireland, and I'm back to job hunting, and I still owe the company in Ireland money. Why I still owe them? Well, since I never received any sick pay and lived there longer than I needed to because I was never told I had been let go, I spent a bunch of money on rent, doctor's visits, and medicine. Then I had no choice but to fly back to Sweden since the climate made me worse and worse, as I suspect the humidity (outdoors as well as indoors) had quite a negative effect on my respiratory system. I have heard nothing from the company about paying them back, but I expect them to eventually contact me.

Then again, that company is so badly run that nobody there seems to know what they should do. Since I left, several Swedes have left the company, or been fired. Good for them. Working for that company is more or less slave work. Minimum pay, shift work with rarely even two straight days off, and they're not allowed to take vacation around or during Christmas. I'm glad I got out, even if I had to get really sick and more in debt to get it done. Everything happens for a reason.

Posts

I haven't posted much in a long time now, and it's not because I'm bored.
My body is continuing to break down, and I try to limit my minutes by the computer. In only minutes, my fingers and hands go numb when typing, my feet and legs when I sit down, and I don't know what to do about this. I hope the MRI in 3 days will find a reason, or at least find something that can be fixed by other ways than just physical therapy.
I'm getting desperate, but can only wait and hope for the best.

This may be my last post in a VERY long time.

New month, new issues

So we've come to August. Yay.

Had a great start of the month - been in bed all day due to a migraine, somehow got a bug bite on my right shin that is utterly sore and has stiffened my leg from my ankle up to my thigh, and I have a slight fever. Just what I needed.

Less than six weeks until my MRI. If I live that long. :S

Another week, another physical therapist, new equipment...

Monday is here. Went to see my new physical therapist today (Dara), since I wore out the first one (Sofie).
No more acupuncture since it didn't work at all. The new approach is heat, more electric stimuli, and more support. I got my very first pair of crutches, to help me support myself instead of constantly walk around with extreme tension to keep myself upright. Later in the week, I'll shop for a heat pillow, one of those things you put in the microwave oven until it's hot enough to last a little while.
As for Dara's ideas of what my problem could be, she wasn't sure. It could be disk hernia, it could be something similar, or it could be cancer. Nobody seems to be able to tell what it is for sure until I have the MRI - which I finally have an appointment for! I called the clinic today, and I've had an appointment for a while even though something went wrong in mailing it to me. I only have to wait for a couple of months until I have it - in September. It's a while until then, but at least I have something concrete to look forward to. I want the truth, and I think I can handle the truth. I just want to know - and know if there's anything they can do about it. It's always good to have a goal, and now I have one more. It may be on collision course with my goal to spend Xmas in with Joe and Ang, but my health has to come first.

Losing my mind

Another sporadic attempt to write something that makes sense to more people than myself. Only you can judge if I succeed.

I'm slowly but surely losing my mind, or whatever is left of it. Right now, I have way too many unknown variables in my life to know what next week has to offer. My body is starting to break down, and I still haven't heard anything about getting an appointment for an MRI. I'm sure one reason is that it's summer in Sweden. Everything that doesn't shut down, slows down - even health care provision. I'm glad to be 'in the system' though, since there will eventually be some sort of action.

The problem is that I can't plan anything since I don't know 1) when I'll get the MRI done, 2) what the scan will reveal, 3) how long in the future potential surgery would be, 4) how long it'll take to get me back on my feet, and 5) if physical therapy is as good as things will get. So far, physical therapy has only made me worse (ok, not quite fair to my wonderful therapist who has tried everything she could think of), or the therapy has been going on in parallel with my body deteriorating. Either way - I didn't think it'd get this bad.

In all this, I am still happy to (finally) have free health care (as slow and uncertain as it may be), since if I had remained in Canada without any health care, I could be in a very bad position right now. Karma is doing its thing, I reckon. I haven't found a job yet in spite of plentiful attemps, and it feels like I won't be able to find anything until my body is back in functional shape. I'm not even looking for jobs actively, since I'm on sick leave. Unemployed and on sick leave.

But I'm still positive about the future. It'll take a lot more than this to make me lose hope. :)

Update

Been a long time since I wrote anything in here. I've had my reasons. I've started going to a physical therapist, and initially, I felt like this is all I need to get well. After a few sessions, however, things started to go in the wrong direction. She didn't do anything wrong, it was just my body letting me know that working out was not what it wanted. Since then, I've been to the orthopedic clinic in Västerås, which ended up with me being on the waiting list for an MRT/MRT - a body scan. Maybe the mysteries of what is wrong with my body and what can be done about it will finally be revealed. I hope so.

I'm now officially on sick leave, and I no longer have to look for jobs I never could take anyways. That is also typical, since I finally found a job in Montreal that I really liked and that felt was customized for me. Video game translator/tester - could it be any better? I'm still waiting to hear from them, but I reckon karma is somehow making sure that I won't find a job until my physical issues have been dealt with.

For the best of my body, I shouldn't sit by the computer for very long, but I get stir crazy doing nothing. I have started with a new version of the SAQD web site, and my personal website has also received a slight upgrade. As long as I still manage to fit my exercises between computer time, I feel I can do this. I NEED to do this. I crave it, and it's therapy of sorts for my soul, no matter how crazy that may sound.

I have tried to get in touch with Lenny in the last few days, after only getting a few seconds the first time I called in ages. Not sure why I'm not getting through. Could just be bad timing, or I get screened by his mom. I hope he's doing well. He means too much to me for me to just let things go and accept that he's more or less on his own. Some words from friends concerning him are encouraging, but there are still so many question marks that I just don't know. I really hope that I'll be able to find out what is really going on fairly soon.

Blog interruption

There might be some time until I write here again.
I've come up with this idea to write down everything about my first backpacking trip back in 1988, and this should take all the time I have to sit down most days.

Just so you know.