Losing my mind

Another sporadic attempt to write something that makes sense to more people than myself. Only you can judge if I succeed.

I'm slowly but surely losing my mind, or whatever is left of it. Right now, I have way too many unknown variables in my life to know what next week has to offer. My body is starting to break down, and I still haven't heard anything about getting an appointment for an MRI. I'm sure one reason is that it's summer in Sweden. Everything that doesn't shut down, slows down - even health care provision. I'm glad to be 'in the system' though, since there will eventually be some sort of action.

The problem is that I can't plan anything since I don't know 1) when I'll get the MRI done, 2) what the scan will reveal, 3) how long in the future potential surgery would be, 4) how long it'll take to get me back on my feet, and 5) if physical therapy is as good as things will get. So far, physical therapy has only made me worse (ok, not quite fair to my wonderful therapist who has tried everything she could think of), or the therapy has been going on in parallel with my body deteriorating. Either way - I didn't think it'd get this bad.

In all this, I am still happy to (finally) have free health care (as slow and uncertain as it may be), since if I had remained in Canada without any health care, I could be in a very bad position right now. Karma is doing its thing, I reckon. I haven't found a job yet in spite of plentiful attemps, and it feels like I won't be able to find anything until my body is back in functional shape. I'm not even looking for jobs actively, since I'm on sick leave. Unemployed and on sick leave.

But I'm still positive about the future. It'll take a lot more than this to make me lose hope. :)