Another week, another physical therapist, new equipment...

Monday is here. Went to see my new physical therapist today (Dara), since I wore out the first one (Sofie).
No more acupuncture since it didn't work at all. The new approach is heat, more electric stimuli, and more support. I got my very first pair of crutches, to help me support myself instead of constantly walk around with extreme tension to keep myself upright. Later in the week, I'll shop for a heat pillow, one of those things you put in the microwave oven until it's hot enough to last a little while.
As for Dara's ideas of what my problem could be, she wasn't sure. It could be disk hernia, it could be something similar, or it could be cancer. Nobody seems to be able to tell what it is for sure until I have the MRI - which I finally have an appointment for! I called the clinic today, and I've had an appointment for a while even though something went wrong in mailing it to me. I only have to wait for a couple of months until I have it - in September. It's a while until then, but at least I have something concrete to look forward to. I want the truth, and I think I can handle the truth. I just want to know - and know if there's anything they can do about it. It's always good to have a goal, and now I have one more. It may be on collision course with my goal to spend Xmas in with Joe and Ang, but my health has to come first.

Losing my mind

Another sporadic attempt to write something that makes sense to more people than myself. Only you can judge if I succeed.

I'm slowly but surely losing my mind, or whatever is left of it. Right now, I have way too many unknown variables in my life to know what next week has to offer. My body is starting to break down, and I still haven't heard anything about getting an appointment for an MRI. I'm sure one reason is that it's summer in Sweden. Everything that doesn't shut down, slows down - even health care provision. I'm glad to be 'in the system' though, since there will eventually be some sort of action.

The problem is that I can't plan anything since I don't know 1) when I'll get the MRI done, 2) what the scan will reveal, 3) how long in the future potential surgery would be, 4) how long it'll take to get me back on my feet, and 5) if physical therapy is as good as things will get. So far, physical therapy has only made me worse (ok, not quite fair to my wonderful therapist who has tried everything she could think of), or the therapy has been going on in parallel with my body deteriorating. Either way - I didn't think it'd get this bad.

In all this, I am still happy to (finally) have free health care (as slow and uncertain as it may be), since if I had remained in Canada without any health care, I could be in a very bad position right now. Karma is doing its thing, I reckon. I haven't found a job yet in spite of plentiful attemps, and it feels like I won't be able to find anything until my body is back in functional shape. I'm not even looking for jobs actively, since I'm on sick leave. Unemployed and on sick leave.

But I'm still positive about the future. It'll take a lot more than this to make me lose hope. :)

Update

Been a long time since I wrote anything in here. I've had my reasons. I've started going to a physical therapist, and initially, I felt like this is all I need to get well. After a few sessions, however, things started to go in the wrong direction. She didn't do anything wrong, it was just my body letting me know that working out was not what it wanted. Since then, I've been to the orthopedic clinic in Västerås, which ended up with me being on the waiting list for an MRT/MRT - a body scan. Maybe the mysteries of what is wrong with my body and what can be done about it will finally be revealed. I hope so.

I'm now officially on sick leave, and I no longer have to look for jobs I never could take anyways. That is also typical, since I finally found a job in Montreal that I really liked and that felt was customized for me. Video game translator/tester - could it be any better? I'm still waiting to hear from them, but I reckon karma is somehow making sure that I won't find a job until my physical issues have been dealt with.

For the best of my body, I shouldn't sit by the computer for very long, but I get stir crazy doing nothing. I have started with a new version of the SAQD web site, and my personal website has also received a slight upgrade. As long as I still manage to fit my exercises between computer time, I feel I can do this. I NEED to do this. I crave it, and it's therapy of sorts for my soul, no matter how crazy that may sound.

I have tried to get in touch with Lenny in the last few days, after only getting a few seconds the first time I called in ages. Not sure why I'm not getting through. Could just be bad timing, or I get screened by his mom. I hope he's doing well. He means too much to me for me to just let things go and accept that he's more or less on his own. Some words from friends concerning him are encouraging, but there are still so many question marks that I just don't know. I really hope that I'll be able to find out what is really going on fairly soon.